For those of you who don't follow my myspace blog, I have composed an entry of personal thoughts I would like to share with you all. If you take offense to this then you are not my friend. If you do and you know you are my friend, then don't take offense, it's not about you.

Sometimes no matter how good my life is in general I will always find something to hate and to feel bad about. Maybe that's just how life is but I wish I would stop being a whiner...to myself. There is this uncontrollable urge to conform...to be a part of a mass. To feel a togetherness with not 1,2, or 3 people, but many, many more. I feel like the gap in my self has a chance of being filled with the connections of humanity, with those who will also open themselves. Maybe it's me or maybe it's....just me...but there is an unavoidable feeling of empty loneliness when I arrive every morning. I do the same thing everyday for 3 years so far and with no friendships formed I feel like maybe I don't belong there in that mass of thousands of bodies. You may say..."Hey, wait, i'm your friend! How dare you exclude me!" Well, if by friend you mean "person I talk to at school sometimes", then yes, I have many people that talk to me at school sometimes. But by now, everybody has either found a group of friends, or a best friend. I have found neither and now it is too late. You can't intrude upon 2 best friends because you will never be a better friend than either of them are to eachother. Of course I have a best friend, she just doesn't accompany me daily to this institutionalized palace of "knowledge". Besides a few (you know who you are), most people in my life float in and out, claiming ultimate friendship, love and communication with no contact for weeks on end. "To belong is to understand the tacit codes of the people you live with." I sit everyday and observe people, yet I still do not understand why they do or say certain things. I also do not understand the aforementioned mass that plagues the hallways and rooms, how does it claim friendship with so many people? Never in my life have I experienced the extreme social connection that I observe. I contemplate whether it is a disease or not. The human being continues to amaze me. I continue to amaze myself with the lengths I might go to to feel such widespread acceptance. The point of life is not love, but acceptance. Love requires acceptance, acceptance does not always require love. Acceptance is a purely social maneuver. Acceptance requires understanding.
-Fin

Any relating thoughts?
I don't need anyone telling me things like "well you ARE kind of unapproachable".
I know I am.
This is simply a composition, an outpouring of feeling and want, a thought-provoking entry, not a call for help. For you it is an opportunity to relate or continue a thought.

Current Mood: contemplative

http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=la_treason

1. I am eating salami 2. I acquired aphex twin and kraftwerk 3. Me and Jade are gonna do Mushies our first time together in winter break I am excited 4. My mom bought me gloves today, and I really like gloves. 5. Now I am eating yogurt. I really lke yogurt. 6. i hate drama 7. i love aphex twin 8. close the gate

beverages. indecisiveness will be the end of us all.

Current Mood: disappointed

She looks like she used to be happy
And all she wants to do everynight
is watch the city and the stars

she smells like scratch and sniff fruit stickers
the kind he got then
when he did well in first grade

she sounds like a spoonfull of sugar
with bitter medicine hidden
beneath the confectionary mound

She feels like a red rose
when her soft skin glides
silent against your face

She tastes like the dew
from the tops of untouched hills
the ones you read about in your books



and i'll climb that hill in my own way
just wait a while for the right day
and as i rise above the treeline and the clouds
i look down
hear the sound of the things you said today




She is the saddest girl that I have ever known

I remember when I didn't feel so inadequate.
Like something wasn't quite right. I feel...judged.
Frankly, I feel like i'm doing 16 wrong.
I'm doing anything wrong. I don't know how to explain it anymore. Life is just a blurrrrrrrrr and i'm just along for the ride.

I want to just be normal, like i'm not or something, I don't know.
I think I should be a pretty normal kid though.
to feel the total job. no economic success to get the total job.



I would like to dress up like a furry animal and dance all night long.
Ahhh glangus i hung out with tobin and canaan and jon and mitch and we just got glangusly mangus.
It would have been better
if it weren't so gloomy
and autumn.
Instead of summer. now just enter. might as well have fun, cause your happiness is done when your goose is cooked.
the good ol days.

Current Mood: glangus

At night the streets seem like glass
Tinted red
then green
then yellow
and red again
Just like the leaves
scattered everywhere like confetti
the celebration of autumn


Sometimes I wish it weren't so gloomy

Does everything seem strange?

Or is it just me.

this could be heaven.

Current Mood: artistic

AS YOU CAN SEE, THIS IS A REALLY OLD ENTRY. WONDER WHY? THIS IS NOW A FRIENDS ONLY LIVEJOURNAL. PLEASE COMMENT ON THIS ENTRY AND TELL ME TO ADD YOU AS A FRIEND.
now on to the last non friends only entry..


I went to the coast today with Nick and some of his co workers. It was nice. I love sand, and I love sea creatures, and I love the coast.

I'm going to get my haircut tomorrow at 10am before school registration because I have to get my picture taken and my hair's crappy. I'm going at 11:15 tomorrow and i'll be greeted by everyone I didn't see this summer= "OMG YOU BITCH WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME" Or just kinda awkward glances cause we said we'd hang out but we never did. Oh god I seriously haven't hung out/seen ANYONE from North this summer. I've been hanging out with South kids the whole time this is gonna be so shocking i'm gonna see...oh gosh. lol. this is lol
I feel like a failure. I didn't learn how to drive this summer and my parents really wanted me to. I haven't quit smoking yet and I should if I want to do well in school, but i'm telling myself that maybe that won't affect my performance that much.
So much for denial. I don't understand myself. I don't understand why I beleive that no one else understands me. lol I don't deserve anything. I really don't understand myself. And i'm not sure if i'm gonna like this whole school thing. With all those kids. :/ FUCK. I play mindgames with myself. lol. this is too lol. Thank you, laid-back facade...

Current Mood: nervous

I've been having trouble finding information about planets in retrograde in birth charts. I would really like to know what it means when you have a certain planet in retrograde on your natal chart. Does anyone know any sites that can give me information on that? I'm dying of curiosity. Please if anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated.

Bonjour everyone.
Thx for all the comments on my last post. Didn't think I would get such a positive response.
Anyways, 2nd day of work and i'm fuckin tired as hell no actually I had a lot of coffee soo i'm pretty buzzed.
Anyways, i have $160 so far....and a new ring :)
Tomorrow is my last day of work, and I have to say I learned a lot of new stuff, and this is definitely gonna look great on any job application.
It's really hot there though. And I have to wear that silly scandinavian outfit. layers and shit.
But yeah I actually made a few necklaces today, so I think im' going to end up getting payed more tomorrow.
I don't knowt hough.
I'm going to buy a snake real soon here...like
tomorrow or teh day after.
I have wanted one for years and years and years, and now I can finally buy one. Hopefully I can pick one out tonight or tomorrow.
Thinking maybe a king or albino corn, I actually might get something a little bigger, more to love. Depends, I'm gonna have the j factor help me out.
Well my life is excellent right now, I just have to get on that list for south and i'm set.
awoiehfawiohef I HAVE SO MUCH MONEY.
Okay so....i'm obviously sensitive to caffiene.
l8er BITCHES.

Current Mood: bouncy

I went shopping this morning and this is what I wear to work, lol. Yay for the scandinavian fest.
And yeah, i'm required to wear scandi garb.

$160!
♥

Current Mood: excited

of the munchies. I took a 5 hour nap today taht started at like 1:30.
I'm not sure why i'm sleeping so much.
Smoked some bowls with nick at the butt<3

My comp is being totally unreasonable.
I can't have winamp open because my memory is too low.
Like my comp keeps freezing if i have it open and it gives me a message that says I don't have enough memory.
Ok so I really need ram lol.
I mean shit.
omg school is starting so soon what am I gonna do man!
I gotta get on the list to transfer to south still.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i've been so bored lately.
No one talks to me on aim anymore.
I should get a job soon, or something.
*sigh* I hate his lack of event. Nothing to write about.

EDIT:
I might be getting hooked up with a job at the scandinavian festival at a jewelry stand. Dank!
Key words: might be. i'm not gonna get my hopes up.

Current Mood: bored

I miss being a normal kid. Whatever that means.

Current Mood: coming down

Well, along with a few other people, I feel like i've pretty much wasted my summer. I really need to get on the bandwagon. Agh. My parents are like "you need to get your license and get a job if you wanna go to south, because south is a big responsibility and a big change". Whatev. It's the same school except with 3894243894x more people. I'm sure I can handle it. I've been going to high school for 2 years, unlike you, mom. Oooooh burn. I didn't actually say that, twouldn't have helped my case any. Starting tomorrow i'll like, get my act together or something. *sigh*. Whyyyyyy is it so hard for me to be motivated? BE MOTIVATED, DAMMET! Argh. Whinewhinewhine. WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE. Nothing phases me. This sucks. Why must I be so unphased by everything? It's just like "stop it! can you please start caring about one thing! Just one? Is it that hard to care about stuff?!"
I mean shiiiiiit.

P.S.: Steve Miller Band, will you marry me?
SWINGTOWN!

Current Mood: aggravated

( my life )

"all use is abuse, and all euphoria that comes from plants is unnecessary."

Current Mood: sarcastic

Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?
way out in the water
see it swimmin'

With your feet in the air, and your head on the ground
try this trick, and spin it.
Your head will collapse
If there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself...

Where is my mind?

I just got back from Lauren's house. Well, actually like 2 hours ago. Hah. Time is so weird for me right now. I just can't understand the concept right now. We came home (her house) at like 11 last night. We went to a party last night, it was really cool, I wish I could have stayed longer. It was good seeing everyone. I'm sure there'll be another one though. Anyways, we came home and tried not to seem too fucked up. lol and we ate alot of food and crashed.
She woke me up this morning and gave me 15 minutes to get ready to go to breakfast at Glenwood(dank!) Anyways then we went to Saturday market and no one showed up really we mostly sat around and smoked by ourselves. And then we chilled with Devin for a bit and then we left cause no one was fuckin' there. Took the bus home and ate food and just sat around for a while, so I went home and now i'm just lounging around being Ariel.
ahhaa yeah...being ME. Anyways...my life is pretty uneventful lately.
SSDD

Current Mood: geeky

I woke up pretty late today. I had my first bowl of cereal in a while, like a week. Cereal is my favorite food. It was amazing. These old people that met me when I was little visited us today and they were like "yr bigger than i expected.blablabla how old are you? yr gorgeous" it was a couple and the guy was wearing short shorts.XD I eventually got a ride to Lauren's house and we biked to the river, found a dank spot and smoked. And then this guy was like "try this weed, its dank" and it had like keef in it and we blasted off. Fuckin crazy. Riding my bike was a trip. We ate when we got to her house and then went to my house before her parents came home cause taht would have been bad. and we watched Athf and like finished our joint and fell asleep, but then i couldnt sleep cause it was too hot and now laurens just sleeping on my bed...and its still really hot. i think i might go outside and look at the sky. Like old times for sure. I've been so bored tonight. I've been doing the same thing every day this week. Oh yeah we have to hook up having a dnd party. My parents decided not to go camping this weekend so id prefer it not be at my house. So someone else should volunteer. anyways bye.

Current Mood: full

Aaaaaaaaaaand....COMMENT! GO!

Current Mood: flirty

You're caught! If you love someone and miss them right now, DON'T repost this! Be constructive and contact them, retard! I'm sure that would do your love life more good than reposting a chain letter! Fuck!
Chain letters are the last thing you need to have faith in. Save them for myspace. Livejournal is really not an appropriate place to be doing that sort of thing.

Current Mood: exhausted